i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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