So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
