Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
