it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
