my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
