never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
