a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
