You're so nebulous sometimes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
nutella sex= disaster
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
