what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
