ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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