I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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