Im at strip club and am horny
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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