I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
