I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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