That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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