Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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