the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I still have a little drunk in my system
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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