when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
