So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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