It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
