Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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