it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
