Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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