no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize