you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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