bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dicks are not precious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
