Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
