yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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