You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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