i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
