So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
