I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
