I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
