It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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