I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
