I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
