So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
