I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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