I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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