He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
