Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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