Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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