I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
