then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
