Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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