I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
