I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
