I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
