Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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