what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
