I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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