you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
