she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
