He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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