i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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