i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
