You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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