We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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