first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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