just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this boner is exhausting
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
