I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
