I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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