dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Enjoy the penises
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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