I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
