their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
