My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
