i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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