if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
