i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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