you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
