Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
