brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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