Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
