That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
